Just a white girl, thinking out loud

I am South African.
I am a woman.
I am 23 years and 11 months old.

I am white.

I was born in the Eastern Cape in 1991. I have no idea what it was like to have lived, black or white or brown, in Apartheid South Africa.

These last characteristics would seem, and have seemed to disqualify me from having any relevant opinion with regards to the issues South Africa is currently facing. I feel a sort of unease writing this, as I am fully aware that my role in the nation’s current dialog cannot be the same as those that experienced oppression at the hands of Apartheid, young and old.

This is something that many white people have not come to realise: it is our place, now, to provide understanding and support and humility more than anything else. Lashing out at those who are lashing out in pain does no good. And we must not let those who express this pain and disappointment in our past in an unhealthy way steal from our understanding that this pain is legitimate. This pain clearly still exists and must be dealt with.

I cannot tell you what it feels like and has felt like to have been a person of colour in this country for the last 100 years. I cannot tell you what it must be like, as a young person of colour, to know the oppression, pain and degradation your family must have suffered during Apartheid. The only glimpse into that my generation of white South Africans has had is through history books and documentaries. I’ll never forget one we watched in high school, which documented the life and struggle of Steve Biko. I went home that day and cried because I couldn’t understand how human beings could treat other human beings that way. It also bothered me deeply that, because I was no more than a human being myself, within me lay the potential to fall perpetrator to the same wrongs.

That is something we must always be mindful of: our potential to do great good, and our potential to do great harm. Regardless of who you are or what you are or where you came from.

Our focus, these days, seems to be on who we’d like to blame. We are a nation obsessed. Everybody, from all sides, has been caught up in it. It is such an energy- and passion-expensive game that it causes us to forget one very important thing: it is absolutely futile.

When you’ve decided that black people are criminals and are responsible for all of South Africa’s current problems, what have you achieved? When you’re done putting bullets in all the settlers, what is left? Are the problems of poverty and a sub-standard education system solved?

We need to move on from our obsession with blame, which puts us all on different teams and distracts us from being able to make giant strides in developing South Africa to what it could and should be.

We need to move past our default to defensiveness and attack if we are ever going to be able to have the conversations that bring about transformation and healing. On all sides.

While not ignoring our concerns, we need to find a way to shift focus to the bigger picture.

We are so much more than this.

Just a white girl, thinking out loud.

Confession.

I secretly relate whatever’s happening in my life (in general and/or at any random/particular moment) to an appropriate Alanis Morissette song. I have typed her name into my YouTube/iTunes search bar so many times that I have actually become one of the few individuals alive who can spell her surname correctly without having to Google it. One ‘r’, two ‘s’es and two ‘t’s. Bam.
Anyway, enough about that.

A regular offender in this regard is the song ‘You Learn’. I don’t really have to bore you with any more ramblings (or bracketed ramblings) if you just listen to the song. You may not like the style (I have to remind myself sometimes that Alanis may not be for everybody <insert mild-yet-conspicuously-uncomfortable disappointment in the human race here>, but the lyrics are cool. And they make you want to sing in public places. So simple, so true.

So without further ado (if anyone dares to incorrectly correct this to ‘adieu’, I (and the late William Shakespeare) will punch you through the internet), here she is….

DO something.

I found the following at http://warriorism.info/.

According to the website, “warriorism is about fitness; not just some particular type of fitness, but rather a solid all-around fitness, including mental fitness, physical fitness, strength, endurance, and stamina. Warriors use motivation, determination, preparation, and dedication to improve their lives and the lives of their loved ones as much as possible. A warrior stays focused and dedicated on being fit and prepared for all of life’s obstacles, challenges, trials, and tribulations. Warriors don’t just get by. Rather, through their own firm commitment, Warriors go above and beyond and achieve the greatest forms of personal success for themselves, their families, friends, and loved ones.”

Pretty cool. So here’s the thing I actually wanted to show you. It’s an extract from an article called “71 Things You Can Do” by Scott Hughes. Some of the points could be considered arguable. But take from it what you can:
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“In the following, I list 71 things that you can do to be more successful. You choose to do them or not. If you choose not to do these things, then you have no right to complain about your problems; your problems are your fault!

1. Stop watching television.
2. Stop eating fast food.
3. Stop eating pizza and fried foods.
4. Stop driving places that you could easily walk to.
5. Read at least 1 book a month.
6. Take classes in what interests you or your vocation.
7. Work enough to support yourself, and if needed get a new job or second job to make enough to support yourself. Never stick with a job that doesn’t pay enough to support yourself no matter how much you work.
8. Pay off your debts and don’t go in debt. You can pay off your debts if you avoid needless expenses, such as cable, overpriced clothes, impractical decorations, unhealthy snacks, jewelry, et cetera.
9. Don’t buy a car on finance, and don’t buy an expensive car if a cheaper one that works is available.
10. Wake up early, and get all your work done as quickly as possible. That includes household chores, as well as your employment.
11. Drink alcohol less or quit.
12. Do drugs less or quit.
13. Don’t smoke cigarettes.
14. Don’t eat foods with high fructose corn syrup.
15. Don’t drink soda.
16. Don’t eat sugary foods at all.
17. Don’t drink more than 1 glass of juice per day.
18. Stand up straight and have good posture.
19. Look people in the eyes when you talk to them.
20. Smile.
21. Be polite.
22. Keep your promises.
23. Wear a watch, if you can afford it.
24. Eat breakfast.
25. If you eat cereal at any time, choose your cereal based on healthiness not tastiness.
26. Exercise at least 3 days per week.
27. Walk often.
28. Always write with correct spelling and grammar.
29. Never speak worse about a person behind their back than you do to their face. (Feel free to say nicer things about a person behind their back than to their face.)
30. Don’t gossip and don’t have a big mouth.
31. Never judge other people harsher than you judge yourself.
32. Make New Years resolutions, but make one every day instead of every year.
33. Volunteer.
34. Forgive, but never forget.
35. Don’t have skeletons in your closet.
36. Keep as few secrets as reasonably possible.
37. Despite the rule before this one, keep your friends’ secrets.
38. Politely tell people that you will not betray your friends’ trust, when you are asked about their secrets and such.
39. Volunteering (i.e. activism) is more important than voting. If you can do both, good for you. If you only have time for one, volunteer instead of voting. It makes more of a difference.
40. Privately question your own values.
41. Avoid questioning other people’s values, especially in public.
42. Listen more than you talk.
43. Use a journal to count how many calories you consume per day.
44. Use a journal to count how many calories you burn per day.
45. If you want to lose weight, burn slightly more than you consume. If you want to gain weight, consume slightly more than you burn. If you are happy with your weight, try to burn the same amount as you consume.
46. Weigh yourself daily at the same time(s).
47. Write your daily weight down in a journal.
48. Never allow the police to search you, your car, or your belongings if you do not have something to hide.
49. Never tell other people that you think they or something they are doing is immoral or sinful.
50. Keep your moral values and religion to yourself. Use them to direct your own actions.
51. Ask people how they are often and listen to their answer.
52. Laugh at other people’s jokes, but not your own.
53. Shower at least once per day.
54. Wash your hands, even if you aren’t an employee.
55. Take care of the elderly, which includes spending time with them and talking to them.
56. Avoid going places where you need to be waited on.
57. Wait on yourself wherever possible.
58. Make your friends look good.
59. Avoid lying.
60. Don’t pretend to be better than you are. Don’t pretend to be more successful, popular, et cetera.
61. Treat other people as if they are better than they are. Treat them as if they are more successful, popular, et cetera.
62. Don’t brag about your talents. Instead, surprise people with them when they just happen to be called upon.
63. Sit up straight.
64. Keep your house clean.
65. If you have either of them, keep your car and office clean.
66. Stretch daily. (I do Yoga most mornings.)
67. Dance.
68. Take dancing lessons if you could use improvement.
69. Ask other people (e.g. your friends, your co-workers, your boss, etc.) what their favorite book is, and read it.
70. Ask their favorite song or band, and listen to it.
71. Ask their favorite movie, and watch it.

Extras:

1. Don’t be camera shy.
2. When your alarm goes off in the morning (if you use one), don’t press snooze.
3. Make a budget and follow it.

Suggestions from visitors:

1. Say “I love you” often to the people you feel this way about.
2. Always turning off lights when leaving a room, unless of course there are others are in the room. For that matter, conserving any unnecessary electricity usage is key to the future of humanity.

Too Cool

Go to Google and search the word “askew”.

…

How cool is that?? Props to Google for being so out-of-the-box and quirky 🙂

Smoke

This is one of my flatmates having his once-every-so-often social cigarette.
I don’t smoke, but smoke happens to be one of my favourite things ever. It’s so beautiful – only because of how random it is.
Brownian motion. Is that what it’s called? … One of the few things I can remember from the times I was conscious in science class.

Unpredictability, asymmetry, randomness, mystery, transience. I like smoke.

Bob Marley is Great

This is so great. It just says so much more than it actually says. It’s so necessary, sometimes, to just shut up, stop over-thinking everything and just enjoy where you are, what you’re doing and who you’re with.
(You can obviously replace the “her” with “his”).

Mr Marley said this:

“You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She’s not perfect – you aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break – her heart. So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze and don’t expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there.”

 

10 Reasons Having Your Wisdom Teeth Removed is Great

After being absolutely terrified the few weeks before, I went into hospital to have my wisdom teeth taken out on Wednesday. I was surprised to find way more pros than cons surrounding this situation. Here they are in list form:

1. After the op, you get those four little pain-causing buggers back in a plastic bag and feel strangely triumphant and awesome.

2. People suddenly become very concerned with you being happy and comfortable.

3. People do anything and everything for you.

4. You have the world’s best excuse for getting out of social events you’re not particularly enthusiastic about going to.

5. The drugs. Yeah… The drugs.

6. The hardest decision you have to make over the recovery period goes something like this: “Gee… Do I have ice cream or custard for breakfast??? *Sigh*…. Well I guess I’ll just have both then”.

7. There’s no way in the world you can feel guilty about being a fat, lazy, bum.

8. There’s no way in the world you can feel guilty for eating ice cream and custard for every meal.

9. It’s really not as bad as you thought it would be.

10. Milking the situation: not enough people are aware of number 9.

Hello, December

This blog was supposed to be an attempt at a kind of sanity-enabling release. I started it months ago (in March) and ever since then it’s been anything but nurtured. There are many reasons for this, but whatever the reasons we create and attempt to validate for hiding from things, December is always great inspiration to ignore and forget and start again (why wait til January?).

This year has been so many things – so many things that I could spend hours trying to communicate and so many things that I could never audibly, legibly or intelligently convey. But December is here to end it all and force me to turn back one last “time” and try to figure out all the things I’ve learnt and become and lost and found and loved and hated and and and and and….. .

For all the reasons I usually resent December (they usually sound like Boney M or Mariah Carey, smell like fruit, nuts and sugar and are bright-, shiny-, colourful- and plastic-looking), I have to love this stock-taking it inspires. I love the anticipation of a brand new year that always starts as if nothing bad before it ever has to exist again.
Of course that feeling lasts about as long as it takes to get back into routine.. but… at least it’s there for just a little while.

Make the most of this month – the optimism and happiness and excitement and love (no matter how temporary it may turn out to be). December seems to grant us invaluable time to step out of our lives, examine them and make whatever changes we need to.

Reflection

The other day I happened to catch a glimpse of my mom’s reflection in our car window, while we drove back home one night after visiting family. Not that I’ve never seen her reflection before, but I saw something quite different in that moment.
I saw a virtual image of my mother. A virtual image, as opposed to something real and tangible.

I suddenly realised how, one day, that’s all I’d have left of her. This virtual image in my head.
Yes,  that sounds quite depro. Well it was.
But it was really profound at the same time.
I suddenly appreciated having her so close so much more.

I don’t want to take anyone for granted and then one day, in a sudden unexpected moment, have to regret that forever.

Cliche? Yup. Insanely too true? Bigger yup.

Typical

So it took about 10 minutes and the “beautiful blanket of clouds” I last posted about disintegrated, making way for more Toohottofunction wrath.

Don’t take the *brief* moments of ordinary for granted. 🙂